Suddenly Routine

I have a couple of more inadvertently-sent-to-me emails from my favorite anonymous sorority…

First off is this one (formatting was by the sender, not added by me. I know enough not to underline my text for emphasis):

RE: Unbelievable.

There are facebook pictures and Pic-Mans ALL OVER THE PLACE of roughly half of you with wristbands at formal.

Really, y’all?

How many weekly sophomore meetings is it going to take for y’all to start holding eachother accountable? I don’t know if this was because ******** wasn’t there or what but this is truly unacceptable. ******** and I have been really cool about this kind of stuff and we’re not out to get anyone by any means, we genuinely thought we had a perfectly behaved sorority at both events until a little light facebook stalking and subsequently some serious Pic-Man scouring… advisors look at these photos, people!

We’re a little unhappy, to say the least, that y’all are trying to take advantage of us and haven’t yet decided what we’re going to do about it.

In the future, don’t be idiots.

** and ********

I’all’d be scared if I’all was one of the girl’alls not holding each other accountable’all. Y’all know what I’all mean’all? The drama deepened after I got this follow up email from the same person:

RE: My sad state…

I am currently, no joke, having my first lone dining experience at *******’s downtown. Why am I doing this? Because after talking with a couple of sophomores at the house tonight, I feel like a complete and total b-i-t-c-h and need chocolate… ASAP.

The miscommunications between us are astronomical and contributing to what only feels like a mutual hatred of me among your entire pledge class and not really without reason. Yes, I, too, had a wristband at formal. I succumbed to the awkwardness of being completely alone with the band for an hour and felt I deserved a beer, I was wrong. It will not happen again, I can promise you that.

Along with that point, I fear that yall feel singled out. This was not the intended purpose of the email. Between you and me, on pic mans, I solely look for wristbands and BLATANT drinking by sophomores and freshman (not juniors even though they are not all 21) and your class, out of those two, was the only one breaking the rules so that may be why you felt singled out. The email was written in the heat of the moment fueled by the feeling of being let down and undermined that ******** and I felt. And I specifically felt that it would have been different had ******** been present which hurt me a little bit more specifically.

Lastly, my use of the word “idiots” was purely meant to use my sarcastic humor to lighten the mood and was not meant to be taken to heart. It simply meant that we don’t like to yell at you, you don’t like to hear it, so stop doing the simple things that get you in trouble! My jokes don’t always work and that was clearly a serious flop and I apologize sincerely.

I’m literally sick to my stomach that you all have lost all respect for me and faith in me. While you all will still have to be punished, I hope this makes you hate me less. At least a little bit.

On a happy note, the nutella and banana crepe is pretty good.

Ugh. I suck and I’m sorry, y’all.

I’m the “idiot”.

Please let me know if you want to talk about anything, thanks.

*
Sent via BlackBerry by **&*

I have to say I was most impressed that this tr;dr email was sent from a Blackberry. I’m only good for sending twitter-length emails from my phone. She must have been really distressed at the thought being so mutually hated by her pledge class. Hopefully her pledge class hates her less after reading about how good the nutella and banana crepe was. It took a lot of strength for her to overcome her ‘literally sick to her stomach’ feeling to choke down that crepe. I’all wonder what the punishment is going to be’all for them’all.

So, I’ve been trying to post and have a bunch of drafts in my draft folder, but honestly they all pretty much suck. The best one is the one I wrote when I was having the drunken kitchen dance party USA last Saturday. I was having a pretty good time, alone with my iPod and too many Bud Light Limes, but it did nothing to improve my writing. And it’s not that good to begin with.

I really wanted to post every day in March, but I’ve gotten off to a really bad start. Maybe it’s the funk I’ve been in, maybe it’s the weather. Maybe it’s the total lack of anything interesting going on right now. So I thought I’d do a tidbit post. A little bit of everything. (Not to be confused with a Timbit, which is way better than a donut hole from DD)

• Last night was the series finale of Nip/Tuck. As much as the last couple of seasons have been on the lame side, I am going to miss this show and the episode last night made me sad. I am happy with the ending and if I get the urge to have a Nip/Tuck marathon, I have the first few (and the best) seasons on DVD.

• We have a couple of new additions here at the house. My husband and I both got new cell phones. Verizon was running a buy one, get one free deal on the Motorola Droids, and since he needed a phone and really wanted the Droid, I ended up getting a new free one. The best kind. So far, I love this phone. It’s not the iPhone I’ve always wanted, but it’s the closest I’m going to get. Plus, I get to say things like, “Look sir! Droids!” and “These aren’t the Droids you’re looking for.” My Droid will be named TK421.

• Anna is now sleeping in a big girl bed. It’s really sweet. She’s getting to be more of a kid and not as much a toddler anymore. She has the next size up car seat. She asked me to put pigtails in her hair this morning. We have actual conversations together. She tells me about the dreams she has. It really is amazing to see and I’m kind of glad to not have a job right now so we can spend this extra time together.

• I think tomorrow I’ll have a couple of more sorority emails to post. There are some good ones in my inbox right now.

That’s it for the tidbits.

Anna does this weird dance sometimes. I don’t know where she learned it, but it makes me laugh. She’s a better dancer than I am.

She’s wearing her sleepy sack over her pjs. And in the background by the fireplace you’ll see a sleeping chug dog. That is her favorite spot.

That’s how long I’ve been sans job. I believe that’s a longer stretch than my last stint on the 2001 unemployment train. Things are a little bit different now than they were then. I was a little bit more anxious to get a job back then.

After a few months of freaking out/stress/adjustment, I had started getting used to staying home with Anna and dare I say, even enjoying it? Then out of the blue I got a call from a company wanting me to come in for an actual interview for a job that I was super qualified for. After I got off the phone I realized the last time my portfolio was updated was in 2001, I had nothing to wear (since the last time I needed an interview outfit, I was about 30lbs lighter), and knew nothing about the company.

That set off a flurry of portfolio redoing, company researching and clothes ordering. When it was time for the interview, I was all set. Nicely updated, organized portfolio. Professional stylish outfit. Even got my hair cut/colored. (Too be fair, I really needed to do that, but hadn’t gotten around to it) The actual interview went well, it was long and detailed and I thought I had nailed it.

Unfortunately, that was about three weeks ago. And I haven’t heard anything back. I was ok with that because then I got a lead from a friend of mine who works for the coolest place ever (which I don’t want to mention in order to maintain a sense of mystery and intrigue) that they were looking for someone who had my qualifications and even better, was a part time job. OMG, the holy grail of job opportunities for me! I sent in my resume hoping for the best, but to make a long angsty story short, they were too far along in the process and had already made a decision by the time I had heard about it. I was pretty bummed. Because seriously, it sounded like a dream job for me.

So in seven and a half months, I’ve had two job leads and one interview. And no actual job offers. But that’s ok. I’m going to make more of an effort to you know, actually leave my house. I’ve joined a really awesome group of women (and a couple guys) to have playgroups with. (I love meetup.com) And I’m getting up the nerve to actually host a playgroup at my house (and not be paranoid that people with think my house sucks).

At least spring is coming. Playground season!

This morning I woke up and remembered that I had the most bizarre dream. It wasn’t as good as my beastmaster dream, but it was close. I made sure to tell my husband about it right away so I wouldn’t forget it.

What does this dream mean?

I was in Ithaca at my father’s house and I got a phone call on my cell. When I answered it, it was this woman who was calling about a job, I could barely hear her because Ithaca is kind of hilly and has bad cell phone reception, so I walked all over the place trying to get a good signal. Then all of the sudden I was having lunch in a cafeteria-like place with her, a couple of my high school friends, and DURAN DURAN. And man, they looked really good in cafeteria lighting. That was weird enough, but they were working on a latch hook rug kit of the Dukes of Hazzard car. Yeah, Bo and Luke Duke’s car, The General Lee.

So, I’m sitting there having a lunch interview with the job lady while my high school friends are having another conversation and Duran Duran is putting together a rug hanging of The General Lee at the other end of the table. Only in a dream, right?

I got up to go and get more food and when I got back, everyone was gone. The only thing left on the table was the not quite finished General Lee rug hanging.

I have no idea what this dream is trying to tell me.

Back when gmail first came out, I scored one of the rare early invites and was able to get krissie (at) gmail.com as my address. Those were the days when people would pay for a gmail invites. (I think I made about $100 selling my invites on ebay, not very neighborly, but hey, I had a pretty low paying job at the time and needed the $$$) Anyway, I like my email address, but find that I get a lot of mistakenly-sent-to-me emails. Most are boring and I usually send something back to let the person know they have the wrong address. But once in a while I get an interesting one.

About a month ago, someone used my email address to sign up for a dating site. Their password was sent to me and I was able to log in as them and check out their profile and stuff. She seemed like a nice person, so I sent her a message through her profile (as herself, which must have been kind of weird to get. “Dear Self, change your email address. I can read all your shit. Sincerely, Yourself”) to give her a heads up. Part of me wanted to keep getting her messages just for my entertainment, but that seemed wrong to me.

Another time I found myself part of an email group that seemed to be mostly middle-aged women authors. One of the woman was diagnosed with cancer and used the email list to keep her group updated with her progress. I was torn about that one too, because she was a really good email writer and I started getting interested in her progress. Luckily, everything turned out ok, she went into remission and I let her know that she was sending her emails to the wrong person.

But the longest running and most entertaining emails are coming from a sorority mailing list. I won’t mention what sorority it is or where in the south (ha!) it lives, or mention any names. As someone who has a pretty negative view of sororities in general, I think the emails are pretty funny. Especially since half the time, I have no idea what these girls are talking about.

This was the first one I got at the end of last summer:

Stealing = jail
Girls, please stop stealing my kite kuzin and initiation gifts. THIS IS NOT OKAY!!! I am really upset, I thought I would be able to leave them in the basement and trust you girls not to steal them, I was wrong. I am not dumb, I know exactly what gifts you all got last year and I know what I bought this year, therefore it is blatantly obvious when you take things. I do not have extra for you all to just take, if I have extra at the end, I will be more than happy to talk to you about working something out. I cannot tell you how much this upsets me, I am really disappointed, I hate to be mean but this is a serious problem. If I don’t have enough gifts when I go to set them out, I am not able to go and get new ones, they did not come from anywhere in Athens. If I see you with something that I know is not yours, you will go to MDC. Please return anything you have taken to the basement and I won’t ask any questions. Sorry again to be mean, but it’s not my money that’s being taken away and I am responsible for it. Be respectful!!

Ok, WTF is a kite kuzin? And is MDC some sort of sorority jail? Sounds like the gulag to me. Bad times, sisters…

A couple of days later, this one showed up in my inbox:

Pictures
THERE ARE TO BE NO PICTURES FROM THE HOUSE LAST NIGHT PUT ON FACEBOOK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Especially if they have any cups in them. If Exec sees any, you will go to development. I am as serious as a heart attack right now, DO NOT MAKE ME UPSET

What sort of debauchery occurred last night? Some serious as a heart attack debauchery, I bet. I don’t think anyone took her seriously, because later in the afternoon, she sent out this email:

READ OR YOU GO TO MDC
THERE SHALL BE NO PICTURES FROM THE HOUSE LAST NIGHT ON FACEBOOK!!! Especially ones with cups in them. I wouldn’t even put ones up there from **** and probably not even the actual social just to be on the safe side. If any pictures are on Facebook, you will come to MDC, no questions asked. A picture is direct evidence that you were breaking the rules. I am sorry to send out so many mean e-mails right now but PLEASE DON’T UPSET ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

More MDC threats. It sounds like they don’t care if you break any rules, just if you have evidence that you broke rules.

I have so many of these emails, there’s not enough room to post them all. Maybe I should have a weekly feature. “Tales From Being on the Wrong Mailing List.”

**Disclaimer… Ok, I feel like I should throw this in here because some of my favorite people were in sororities. I don’t think all sororities are bad and just because I had a some negative experiences with some my freshman year doesn’t mean that they are all mean bitches who hog the bathrooms and give the stink eye to the non-sorority girls on the hall.

I’ve been a horrible updater lately. Ignoring my website. Someone should call the web-equivalent to CPS and report me.

Hmmm… so what’s been going on? Maybe I should interview myself again.

So, Kris, what’s happening? What have you been up to?

Well, I’ll tell you. Not much. Still unemployed, still watching too much tv and I haven’t started my new exercise routine yet. But it’s on the list. Oh, and I had a job interview last week for a job that I think would be a totally bad ass opportunity. Which throws a monkey wrench into my fantasy of being a stay at home mother. But it’s a good wrench.

Exercise routine? Won’t that get in the way of all your couch sitting and tv watching?

Yeah, probably. But that’s why we have a DVR. I’d hate to miss the latest Bachelor episode. Can you believe that Vienna is STILL around? OMG, she’s such a bitch!! [eyeroll]

What’s Anna been up to?

Anna is having a great time. She’s been getting up really early. And had been learning to um, exert her personality a little bit more when she doesn’t agree with a particular course of action. And she’s also been calling me by my first name instead of Mom or Mommy. It’s cute. Especially since it sounds like “Tiss” or “Tissie” hahahaha…

Any new craft projects in the works?

Sort of. I was thinking about making Anna a Valentine’s Day bag to put some fun treats in. Sort of like a stocking. But that looks like a bag. I thought that sounded like a fun thing to do. And I still have all that extra felt from my Christmas projects to use up. I also have some big tacky plans for the kitchen that depend on whether or not I get that job I interviewed for.

Wow. You’d think with all your free time, you’d be able to update your website more often.

Yeah, you would think that wouldn’t you? But you’d be wrong. I bet you’re glad that you asked. Or I bet that I’m glad that I asked myself that question. What? Ok, now I’m confused.

My Christmas tree is losing the stare down contest with our neighbor’s Christmas tree.

I wish my tree wouldn’t be so intimidated by those fat puffy needled trees.

Why do I feel the sudden urge to break out my Rush albums?