Suddenly Routine

Back when gmail first came out, I scored one of the rare early invites and was able to get krissie (at) gmail.com as my address. Those were the days when people would pay for a gmail invites. (I think I made about $100 selling my invites on ebay, not very neighborly, but hey, I had a pretty low paying job at the time and needed the $$$) Anyway, I like my email address, but find that I get a lot of mistakenly-sent-to-me emails. Most are boring and I usually send something back to let the person know they have the wrong address. But once in a while I get an interesting one.

About a month ago, someone used my email address to sign up for a dating site. Their password was sent to me and I was able to log in as them and check out their profile and stuff. She seemed like a nice person, so I sent her a message through her profile (as herself, which must have been kind of weird to get. “Dear Self, change your email address. I can read all your shit. Sincerely, Yourself”) to give her a heads up. Part of me wanted to keep getting her messages just for my entertainment, but that seemed wrong to me.

Another time I found myself part of an email group that seemed to be mostly middle-aged women authors. One of the woman was diagnosed with cancer and used the email list to keep her group updated with her progress. I was torn about that one too, because she was a really good email writer and I started getting interested in her progress. Luckily, everything turned out ok, she went into remission and I let her know that she was sending her emails to the wrong person.

But the longest running and most entertaining emails are coming from a sorority mailing list. I won’t mention what sorority it is or where in the south (ha!) it lives, or mention any names. As someone who has a pretty negative view of sororities in general, I think the emails are pretty funny. Especially since half the time, I have no idea what these girls are talking about.

This was the first one I got at the end of last summer:

Stealing = jail
Girls, please stop stealing my kite kuzin and initiation gifts. THIS IS NOT OKAY!!! I am really upset, I thought I would be able to leave them in the basement and trust you girls not to steal them, I was wrong. I am not dumb, I know exactly what gifts you all got last year and I know what I bought this year, therefore it is blatantly obvious when you take things. I do not have extra for you all to just take, if I have extra at the end, I will be more than happy to talk to you about working something out. I cannot tell you how much this upsets me, I am really disappointed, I hate to be mean but this is a serious problem. If I don’t have enough gifts when I go to set them out, I am not able to go and get new ones, they did not come from anywhere in Athens. If I see you with something that I know is not yours, you will go to MDC. Please return anything you have taken to the basement and I won’t ask any questions. Sorry again to be mean, but it’s not my money that’s being taken away and I am responsible for it. Be respectful!!

Ok, WTF is a kite kuzin? And is MDC some sort of sorority jail? Sounds like the gulag to me. Bad times, sisters…

A couple of days later, this one showed up in my inbox:

Pictures
THERE ARE TO BE NO PICTURES FROM THE HOUSE LAST NIGHT PUT ON FACEBOOK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Especially if they have any cups in them. If Exec sees any, you will go to development. I am as serious as a heart attack right now, DO NOT MAKE ME UPSET

What sort of debauchery occurred last night? Some serious as a heart attack debauchery, I bet. I don’t think anyone took her seriously, because later in the afternoon, she sent out this email:

READ OR YOU GO TO MDC
THERE SHALL BE NO PICTURES FROM THE HOUSE LAST NIGHT ON FACEBOOK!!! Especially ones with cups in them. I wouldn’t even put ones up there from **** and probably not even the actual social just to be on the safe side. If any pictures are on Facebook, you will come to MDC, no questions asked. A picture is direct evidence that you were breaking the rules. I am sorry to send out so many mean e-mails right now but PLEASE DON’T UPSET ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

More MDC threats. It sounds like they don’t care if you break any rules, just if you have evidence that you broke rules.

I have so many of these emails, there’s not enough room to post them all. Maybe I should have a weekly feature. “Tales From Being on the Wrong Mailing List.”

**Disclaimer… Ok, I feel like I should throw this in here because some of my favorite people were in sororities. I don’t think all sororities are bad and just because I had a some negative experiences with some my freshman year doesn’t mean that they are all mean bitches who hog the bathrooms and give the stink eye to the non-sorority girls on the hall.