Yesterday the phone rang. I looked at the caller ID and didn’t recognize the number, but answered anyway and had the following conversation.
Me: Hello? (In a perfectly pleasant phone-answering voice)
Caller: Bitch! I told you to stop callin’ my man!!!! (In a very angry, unpleasant phone voice)
Me: Excuse me? I think you have the wrong number.
Caller: BITCH! Don’t tell me I have the wrong number!! Don’t be callin’ my man!!!
At this point I thought the call was kind of funny. Because obviously I wasn’t calling anyone else’s man. I hate the phone and making phone calls.
Me: I’m sorry, you have the wrong number. I’m married. My days of calling other people’s men are over.
Caller: Uh… [beep, beep, beep and click]
She didn’t call back, so I guess she dialed the right number.
Maybe I should change my phone demeanor to be more like my mystery caller.
“BITCH! I want to order a pizza to be delivered, double cheese, black olives and mushrooms!!!!”
“BITCH!!! Make me an appointment to get my hair cut and highlighted, Thursdays work best!!”
“BITCH!!!! I need to come in for a pap smear!!”
Bitch, it works in all different scenarios. Brilliant! I can’t wait for my next job interview!!!
19. March 2010 at 3:08 pm
Bitch! When we getting together for dinner again! LoL.
19. March 2010 at 4:33 pm
OMG! that’s some funny shit. And to second Mike’s comment: Bitch! When are we getting together for dinner!?
20. March 2010 at 5:32 pm
Obviously she didn’t hit redial on her man’s phone.
Bitch, I love that you don’t like the phone either.
Last week I e-mailed an acquaintance who’s been calling to chat and interrupting my ‘creative flow’. I told her that e-mail works better for me and she’s been doing it. It helped me to know there are others like me. Thanks.
23. March 2010 at 9:12 am
I often just don’t answer the phone if I don’t recognize the number. Now that I’ve seen THIS, maybe I will
23. March 2010 at 4:40 pm
Dude, this made me laugh out loud. We’ll have a lot of fun at camping with this!
25. March 2010 at 8:52 am
LOVE THIS! Several of my coworkers and I just had a good, tear-inducing laugh over it. It’s been a rough week and I needed that!
Thank you BITCH!
15. April 2010 at 7:24 pm
dude… so funny. i had some bizarre message on my answering machine like this once. this girl told me she was going to come kick my ass if i didn’t stop talking to her man. even though i was sure it was a wrong number, i was a little afraid because you know as well as anyone that i’m not very good in a fight.