Suddenly Routine

Hey Kris, WTF is that on your door? It really clashes with the maroon and beige color scheme.

Oh, I was feeling a little festive today and made a spring wreath for the front door. Here’s a closer look.

Yes, those are marshmallow peeps. Anna and I went to Michael’s today to pick up some egg decorating stuff and I thought it would be fun to make a spring wreath for the door. After being inspired by this wreath, I decided to come up with my own interpretation. So while Anna napped, I slapped this bad boy together. Doesn’t it look like it took hours to make? hahaha… I’m not sure how long it will last, it might be coming down when my husband gets home. Something tells me he’s not going to be a fan of today’s creative burst of energy.

I think I like the one that I was inspired by better, but I didn’t have enough peeps to go that route unless I opened up the bunny ones. And you never want to mix your peep creatures. God only knows what sort of unholy union will become of that.

I bet this little guy had no idea of what his fate was going to be when he left Wegman’s today.

Yesterday the phone rang. I looked at the caller ID and didn’t recognize the number, but answered anyway and had the following conversation.

Me: Hello? (In a perfectly pleasant phone-answering voice)

Caller: Bitch! I told you to stop callin’ my man!!!! (In a very angry, unpleasant phone voice)

Me: Excuse me? I think you have the wrong number.

Caller: BITCH! Don’t tell me I have the wrong number!! Don’t be callin’ my man!!!

At this point I thought the call was kind of funny. Because obviously I wasn’t calling anyone else’s man. I hate the phone and making phone calls.

Me: I’m sorry, you have the wrong number. I’m married. My days of calling other people’s men are over.

Caller: Uh… [beep, beep, beep and click]

She didn’t call back, so I guess she dialed the right number.

Maybe I should change my phone demeanor to be more like my mystery caller.

“BITCH! I want to order a pizza to be delivered, double cheese, black olives and mushrooms!!!!”

“BITCH!!! Make me an appointment to get my hair cut and highlighted, Thursdays work best!!”

“BITCH!!!! I need to come in for a pap smear!!”

Bitch, it works in all different scenarios. Brilliant! I can’t wait for my next job interview!!!

… is trying them out.

I have a couple of more inadvertently-sent-to-me emails from my favorite anonymous sorority…

First off is this one (formatting was by the sender, not added by me. I know enough not to underline my text for emphasis):

RE: Unbelievable.

There are facebook pictures and Pic-Mans ALL OVER THE PLACE of roughly half of you with wristbands at formal.

Really, y’all?

How many weekly sophomore meetings is it going to take for y’all to start holding eachother accountable? I don’t know if this was because ******** wasn’t there or what but this is truly unacceptable. ******** and I have been really cool about this kind of stuff and we’re not out to get anyone by any means, we genuinely thought we had a perfectly behaved sorority at both events until a little light facebook stalking and subsequently some serious Pic-Man scouring… advisors look at these photos, people!

We’re a little unhappy, to say the least, that y’all are trying to take advantage of us and haven’t yet decided what we’re going to do about it.

In the future, don’t be idiots.

** and ********

I’all’d be scared if I’all was one of the girl’alls not holding each other accountable’all. Y’all know what I’all mean’all? The drama deepened after I got this follow up email from the same person:

RE: My sad state…

I am currently, no joke, having my first lone dining experience at *******’s downtown. Why am I doing this? Because after talking with a couple of sophomores at the house tonight, I feel like a complete and total b-i-t-c-h and need chocolate… ASAP.

The miscommunications between us are astronomical and contributing to what only feels like a mutual hatred of me among your entire pledge class and not really without reason. Yes, I, too, had a wristband at formal. I succumbed to the awkwardness of being completely alone with the band for an hour and felt I deserved a beer, I was wrong. It will not happen again, I can promise you that.

Along with that point, I fear that yall feel singled out. This was not the intended purpose of the email. Between you and me, on pic mans, I solely look for wristbands and BLATANT drinking by sophomores and freshman (not juniors even though they are not all 21) and your class, out of those two, was the only one breaking the rules so that may be why you felt singled out. The email was written in the heat of the moment fueled by the feeling of being let down and undermined that ******** and I felt. And I specifically felt that it would have been different had ******** been present which hurt me a little bit more specifically.

Lastly, my use of the word “idiots” was purely meant to use my sarcastic humor to lighten the mood and was not meant to be taken to heart. It simply meant that we don’t like to yell at you, you don’t like to hear it, so stop doing the simple things that get you in trouble! My jokes don’t always work and that was clearly a serious flop and I apologize sincerely.

I’m literally sick to my stomach that you all have lost all respect for me and faith in me. While you all will still have to be punished, I hope this makes you hate me less. At least a little bit.

On a happy note, the nutella and banana crepe is pretty good.

Ugh. I suck and I’m sorry, y’all.

I’m the “idiot”.

Please let me know if you want to talk about anything, thanks.

*
Sent via BlackBerry by **&*

I have to say I was most impressed that this tr;dr email was sent from a Blackberry. I’m only good for sending twitter-length emails from my phone. She must have been really distressed at the thought being so mutually hated by her pledge class. Hopefully her pledge class hates her less after reading about how good the nutella and banana crepe was. It took a lot of strength for her to overcome her ‘literally sick to her stomach’ feeling to choke down that crepe. I’all wonder what the punishment is going to be’all for them’all.

So, I’ve been trying to post and have a bunch of drafts in my draft folder, but honestly they all pretty much suck. The best one is the one I wrote when I was having the drunken kitchen dance party USA last Saturday. I was having a pretty good time, alone with my iPod and too many Bud Light Limes, but it did nothing to improve my writing. And it’s not that good to begin with.

I really wanted to post every day in March, but I’ve gotten off to a really bad start. Maybe it’s the funk I’ve been in, maybe it’s the weather. Maybe it’s the total lack of anything interesting going on right now. So I thought I’d do a tidbit post. A little bit of everything. (Not to be confused with a Timbit, which is way better than a donut hole from DD)

• Last night was the series finale of Nip/Tuck. As much as the last couple of seasons have been on the lame side, I am going to miss this show and the episode last night made me sad. I am happy with the ending and if I get the urge to have a Nip/Tuck marathon, I have the first few (and the best) seasons on DVD.

• We have a couple of new additions here at the house. My husband and I both got new cell phones. Verizon was running a buy one, get one free deal on the Motorola Droids, and since he needed a phone and really wanted the Droid, I ended up getting a new free one. The best kind. So far, I love this phone. It’s not the iPhone I’ve always wanted, but it’s the closest I’m going to get. Plus, I get to say things like, “Look sir! Droids!” and “These aren’t the Droids you’re looking for.” My Droid will be named TK421.

• Anna is now sleeping in a big girl bed. It’s really sweet. She’s getting to be more of a kid and not as much a toddler anymore. She has the next size up car seat. She asked me to put pigtails in her hair this morning. We have actual conversations together. She tells me about the dreams she has. It really is amazing to see and I’m kind of glad to not have a job right now so we can spend this extra time together.

• I think tomorrow I’ll have a couple of more sorority emails to post. There are some good ones in my inbox right now.

That’s it for the tidbits.

Anna does this weird dance sometimes. I don’t know where she learned it, but it makes me laugh. She’s a better dancer than I am.

She’s wearing her sleepy sack over her pjs. And in the background by the fireplace you’ll see a sleeping chug dog. That is her favorite spot.

That’s how long I’ve been sans job. I believe that’s a longer stretch than my last stint on the 2001 unemployment train. Things are a little bit different now than they were then. I was a little bit more anxious to get a job back then.

After a few months of freaking out/stress/adjustment, I had started getting used to staying home with Anna and dare I say, even enjoying it? Then out of the blue I got a call from a company wanting me to come in for an actual interview for a job that I was super qualified for. After I got off the phone I realized the last time my portfolio was updated was in 2001, I had nothing to wear (since the last time I needed an interview outfit, I was about 30lbs lighter), and knew nothing about the company.

That set off a flurry of portfolio redoing, company researching and clothes ordering. When it was time for the interview, I was all set. Nicely updated, organized portfolio. Professional stylish outfit. Even got my hair cut/colored. (Too be fair, I really needed to do that, but hadn’t gotten around to it) The actual interview went well, it was long and detailed and I thought I had nailed it.

Unfortunately, that was about three weeks ago. And I haven’t heard anything back. I was ok with that because then I got a lead from a friend of mine who works for the coolest place ever (which I don’t want to mention in order to maintain a sense of mystery and intrigue) that they were looking for someone who had my qualifications and even better, was a part time job. OMG, the holy grail of job opportunities for me! I sent in my resume hoping for the best, but to make a long angsty story short, they were too far along in the process and had already made a decision by the time I had heard about it. I was pretty bummed. Because seriously, it sounded like a dream job for me.

So in seven and a half months, I’ve had two job leads and one interview. And no actual job offers. But that’s ok. I’m going to make more of an effort to you know, actually leave my house. I’ve joined a really awesome group of women (and a couple guys) to have playgroups with. (I love meetup.com) And I’m getting up the nerve to actually host a playgroup at my house (and not be paranoid that people with think my house sucks).

At least spring is coming. Playground season!

This morning I woke up and remembered that I had the most bizarre dream. It wasn’t as good as my beastmaster dream, but it was close. I made sure to tell my husband about it right away so I wouldn’t forget it.

What does this dream mean?

I was in Ithaca at my father’s house and I got a phone call on my cell. When I answered it, it was this woman who was calling about a job, I could barely hear her because Ithaca is kind of hilly and has bad cell phone reception, so I walked all over the place trying to get a good signal. Then all of the sudden I was having lunch in a cafeteria-like place with her, a couple of my high school friends, and DURAN DURAN. And man, they looked really good in cafeteria lighting. That was weird enough, but they were working on a latch hook rug kit of the Dukes of Hazzard car. Yeah, Bo and Luke Duke’s car, The General Lee.

So, I’m sitting there having a lunch interview with the job lady while my high school friends are having another conversation and Duran Duran is putting together a rug hanging of The General Lee at the other end of the table. Only in a dream, right?

I got up to go and get more food and when I got back, everyone was gone. The only thing left on the table was the not quite finished General Lee rug hanging.

I have no idea what this dream is trying to tell me.